Signs of a Con Artist in a Relationship

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Falling in love can be one of the most beautiful experiences in life—but it can also be a vulnerable one. In that emotional openness, some people find themselves entangled with someone who isn’t there for love at all, but for manipulation, deception, and gain. These individuals are emotional con artists—people who use charm, lies, and psychological manipulation to exploit their partners.

Con artists in relationships don’t wear labels. They often appear charismatic, generous, and even too perfect at first. But beneath the surface, their intentions are calculated and self-serving. Whether they’re after money, control, citizenship, or just emotional power, identifying the signs early is critical to protecting yourself.

This article breaks down the most telling signs of a con artist in a romantic relationship, so you can recognize manipulation, trust your instincts, and protect your heart—and your future.

Signs of a Con Artist in a Relationship

1. They Move Fast Emotionally and Romantically

A classic tactic of a con artist is to move the relationship forward at lightning speed.

• They profess love within days or weeks of meeting.

• They talk about marriage, moving in, or starting a family very early.

• They use phrases like “I’ve never felt this way before” or “You’re my soulmate” to rush intimacy.

This “love bombing” technique overwhelms your judgment and makes it harder to detect red flags.

2. Their Stories Don’t Add Up

Lies are the foundation of a con artist’s game—and inconsistencies are often the giveaway.

• They tell dramatic or impressive stories that don’t quite make sense or change over time.

• They can’t keep their timeline or details straight when asked again.

• They avoid specifics or get defensive when questioned about their past.

These inconsistencies usually indicate they’re creating a false persona to win your trust.

3. They Use Sob Stories to Gain Sympathy

Con artists are skilled at manipulating emotions, often using personal tragedy to hook you in.

• They tell stories of abusive exes, family deaths, serious illnesses, or financial ruin.

• These stories always paint them as the victim—never the cause.

• They may cry or get emotional as a tactic to deepen your attachment.

While not everyone who shares hardship is a con artist, repeated or dramatic sob stories early on can be a red flag.

4. They Ask for Money or Financial Favors

Perhaps the most obvious sign of a con artist: they eventually ask for something tangible.

• They claim they need help with rent, medical bills, or a “temporary” emergency.

• They may say they’ve had bad luck but promise to pay you back soon.

• They may ask you to open credit cards, co-sign loans, or send money abroad.

This request might come only after trust and attachment have been built—making it harder to say no.

5. They Disappear or Go Silent Then Reappear with Excuses

Inconsistency is a common tactic used to create confusion and dependence.

• They disappear without explanation and return days or weeks later with an elaborate excuse.

• They blame external factors (illness, travel, arrests, accidents) for their absence.

• They use their absence to guilt you into feeling sorry for them—or desperate to keep them.

These vanishing acts are part of the emotional manipulation cycle.

6. They Keep Their Life Private and Vague

A con artist will often prevent you from seeing the full picture of their life.

• You’ve never been to their home, met their friends, or spoken to family.

• They’re vague about their job, financial situation, or background.

• When you press for details, they get defensive, change the subject, or accuse you of mistrust.

This secrecy helps them control the narrative and avoid being caught.

7. They Are Charming—Almost Too Charming

Charm is their primary tool of manipulation, and they use it expertly.

• They say exactly what you want to hear and mirror your values, goals, and interests.

• They’re confident, flattering, and may be exceptionally attentive in the beginning.

• You feel like they “get you” right away, even better than people who’ve known you for years.

This fast-tracked emotional connection is often calculated to lower your defenses.

8. They Manipulate Your Emotions to Control You

Con artists are emotional engineers—they build you up, then break you down.

• They praise you excessively one moment and criticize or guilt-trip you the next.

• They use emotional blackmail: “If you really loved me, you’d help me.”

• They make you feel like you’re the only one who can “save” or understand them.

This emotional rollercoaster creates confusion and attachment, making it harder to leave.

9. Their Past Is Full of Victim Stories—but No Accountability

A con artist is always the hero or victim of their own narrative.

• Every ex was “crazy,” “abusive,” or “a user.”

• They blame everyone else for their failures—bosses, family, partners.

• They take no ownership for the mistakes or bad decisions in their life.

This lack of accountability allows them to paint themselves as innocent and deserving of your help.

10. They Pressure You to Keep the Relationship Secret or Private

Secrecy is often a tool for manipulation.

• They ask you not to tell friends or family about your relationship—or certain parts of it.

• They claim to be “private” or say others “wouldn’t understand” your bond.

• They discourage you from sharing things publicly or seeking advice.

This isolation makes it easier for them to manipulate you without external interference.

11. They Introduce Guilt When You Set Boundaries

If you question them or set boundaries, the manipulation intensifies.

• They accuse you of not trusting them or “hurting” them emotionally.

• They say things like “I guess I’m just not good enough for you” to make you feel bad.

• They turn every confrontation into an emotional pity party to avoid accountability.

This guilt strategy makes it difficult to confront their behavior or say “no.”

12. They Don’t Like Being Investigated or Questioned

A con artist hates scrutiny—they want obedience, not questions.

• They avoid giving straight answers and get angry when you ask for clarification.

• They use statements like “You should trust me by now” to end discussions.

• They change the subject or act like you’re attacking them for being “curious.”

This aversion to transparency is one of the strongest red flags.

13. They Try to Rush Commitment—Then Use It Against You

Speed is key to their success because time exposes lies.

• They ask you to move in, merge finances, or commit long-term quickly.

• Once committed, they manipulate that commitment to get what they want.

• They use your loyalty as leverage: “We’re in this together—you can’t give up on me now.”

This manipulation of emotional bonds is designed to trap you in the long game.

14. Others Have Warned You About Them

People around you may notice the red flags before you do.

• Friends or family express concern or point out strange behavior.

• They may have heard rumors or have personal experience with the person.

• The con artist tries to convince you that others are “jealous” or “don’t want you happy.”

A common tactic is to isolate you from people who see the truth.

15. You Feel Drained, Confused, or Anxious Around Them

The biggest red flag often comes from within: your instincts.

• You constantly feel like you’re second-guessing yourself.

• You feel emotionally exhausted, but still crave their attention or approval.

• Something “feels off,” even when nothing specific seems wrong.

Your nervous system often detects manipulation before your brain does. Trust that feeling.

Why Con Artists Target Romantic Relationships

Understanding their motives can help you see the situation more clearly.

1. Financial Gain

• They may be targeting your savings, income, assets, or credit.

• Some con artists string victims along for months or years before making big financial asks.

2. Emotional Control or Narcissistic Supply

• They enjoy the control, admiration, or dependency you develop.

• They get satisfaction from manipulation—even if there’s no tangible reward.

3. Legal or Logistical Motives

• They may use you for immigration, housing, or other benefits (like insurance or social standing).

• Once their goal is achieved, they often discard the relationship.

4. Revenge or Power Games

• Some are driven by past traumas or warped desires to “get even” with the world.

• They may con multiple people simultaneously to feel superior or powerful.

What to Do If You Suspect You’re Dating a Con Artist

If the signs resonate, here’s what you can do to protect yourself:

1. Trust Your Gut

• If something feels off, you don’t need “proof” to act.

• Emotional safety is a valid reason to pause or exit a relationship.

2. Verify Their Stories

• Use background checks or social media to validate employment, education, or identity claims.

• Ask to meet friends or family. If they always have an excuse—pay attention.

3. Protect Your Finances

• Don’t give or lend money, no matter how convincing the story is.

• Never share banking information or passwords.

• Don’t co-sign anything.

4. Set Firm Boundaries

• Don’t let guilt, pressure, or flattery make you say “yes” to things that feel wrong.

• See how they react when you say “no”—true character shows in conflict.

5. Seek Support

• Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group.

• Sometimes an outside perspective is needed to see manipulation clearly.

6. Leave Safely If Needed

• If you suspect criminal intent or emotional abuse, make a clean break.

• Document any threats or financial abuse, and seek legal or police help if necessary.

Conclusion

A con artist in a relationship is not just a liar—they are a master manipulator who thrives on trust, vulnerability, and emotional confusion. Their tactics are often subtle and expertly disguised as love, care, or passion. But if you pay close attention to inconsistencies, emotional coercion, and pressure for money or secrecy, the truth will eventually show.

Recognizing the signs is the first and most powerful step to reclaiming your emotional well-being. You deserve a relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and honesty—not one built on deception and manipulation. If you ever feel unsure, overwhelmed, or emotionally unsafe, don’t ignore your instincts—they’re trying to protect you.